50 Ways to Annoy Murtagh
by SeriouslySiriusBlack
Summary: Another "Annoy Murtagh" fic. A product of my boredom. It's a lot better than I make it sound though so please read.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first attempt at comedy, so sorry if it's bad. I hope ye like it though!**

**50 Ways to Annoy Murtagh**

1. Say random words in gibberish, and when he asks what you said, just smirk and say, "It's working."

2. Send a horde of crazed fangirls after him.

3. Charge said fangirls money to A) See his scar, or B) Play spin the bottle with him.

4. Insist that Thorn is pink.

5. Insist that Zar'roc is pink.

6. Dye everything he owns varying shades of pink.

7. Convince everyone that he is secretly gay.

8. Paint his room pink.

9. If he buys new clothes or takes the paint off his walls . . . just do it all over again.

10. Tell everyone that his favorite color is pink.

11. When he denies that he likes pink say, "its okay Murtagh. There's no need to deny that you're confused."

12. Make sure you scream it, with a ton of people around.

13. Stalk him.

14. Every time Galbatorix goes somewhere to give a speech, in the middle of it shout, "Oh my gosh Murtagh, you didn't say you were _gay_."

15. Tell Galbatorix that Murtagh has a crush on him.

16. Tell Eragon that Murtagh has a crush on him.

17. Make Arya mad at him.

18. Play "Baby Beluga" over and over and over . . .

19. A few days after you stop playing it, start to hum/sing it as he passes.

20. See if he winces.

21. Tie him to a chair and make him watch _Eragon_.

22. Play Hannah Montana music constantly.

23. See how long it takes for him to go insane.

24. Cover his room in Hannah Montana posters.

25. See if he screams.

26. Stalk him some more.

27. Steal Zar'roc.

28. Hide it in the girl's bathroom.

29. Make sure that he has to go in to get it.

30. Get a picture of him coming out of said bathroom and post it all over the Empire.

31. Make a cup of coffee for him and personally deliver it.

32. When he asks what you put in it, act all offended and say that he was being unforgivably rude.

33. Make him feel guilty enough that he actually drinks it.

34. Laugh at his stupidity.

35. Video-tape the outcome and post it on you-tube.

36. Magically make a love potion and make him fall in love with Shruikan.

37. Record him singing in the shower and make sure everyone in the Empire hears it.

38. Make annoying sounds every time he tries to go to sleep or meditate.

39. Light Zar'roc on fire.

40. Say it's still not as cool as Brisingr.

41. Make him watch kiddie TV shows for days.

42. Make sure they are the ones with music.

43. Keep stalking him.

44. Make him watch _Hannah Montana _reruns.

45. As he's about to go to sleep say, "Murtagh . . . I am your father."

46. Wake him up in the middle of the night screaming something about waffles.

47. Mutter more random gibberish.

48. When he asks what you did, just smile and say, "You will see." Then laugh evilly and walk off.

49. Watch him become paranoid.

50. Be random.


	2. 50 Ways to Annoy Galbatorix

**AN: Here it is! 50 ways to annoy Galby!**

**50 Ways to Annoy Galbatorix**

1. Tell him that Murtagh is hotter than him.

2. Remind him that he is the only dragon-rider that doesn't have a fan club.

3. Over and over and over again.

4. Refuse to call him anything but Galby.

5. Tie him to a chair and make him watch _Eragon._

6. Ask him why he was bald.

7. Remind him that a tree-hugging elf didn't cave under the power of Durza.

8. Remind him that an untrained farm boy killed Durza, his strongest servant.

9. Glare at him, and when he asks why you are mad say, "You lied about the cookies."

10. Have him eat a "special" brownie.

11. Video-tape the outcome and post it on you-tube.

12. Using it as black-mail also works.

13. Spread the rumor that Galbatorix is secretly a cross-dresser.

14. Tell Arya that Galbatorix said that she was fat. Nuff said.

15. Pimp Shruikan.

16. Tell him that Eragon is at the top of Utgard, and then steal Shruikan when he tries to go capture him.

17. Tell him that black is _so _not the new pink.

18. Tell him that he just wishes he were a Gryffindor, because his colors are red with flames.

19. Talk about an awesome party (that didn't exist) that "everyone" was invited to.

20. When he demands why he wasn't invited, tell him that he just isn't cool enough.

21. Ask him what he has against sunlight.

22. When he looks confused, gasp and say, "Oh!!!! I get it now."

23. Make your eyes all big.

24. When he asks what it is, whisper, "You're a _vampire._"

25. When he denies this, just pat him on the shoulder and walk away.

26. Stare at him for hours.

27. Tie him to a chair and make him watch reruns of a mindless sitcom.

28. Hand him a pair of nail scissors and walk away.

29. Follow him around all the time while humming the Imperial March from Star Wars. (A.k.a. Vader's theme.)

30. Remind him that a bunch of poor, untrained villagers beat up his best soldiers.

31. Remind him that it's his fault his dragon died in the first place.

32. Refer to him only as "King Idiot".

33. See how long it takes for him to crack.

34. Tell him that your true name is "The Annoying One".

35. See if he actually believes you.

36. Make beeping noises in his ear.

37. Say "Wow, you're really, really old."

38. Ask, "What's so scary about a few mountains, anyway? Afraid that the giant mosquitoes are going to eat you?"

39. Dart around him when he's walking so he has to move all over the place to avoid you.

40. Say that if it was him against Voldemort, Voldemort would totally win.

41. Play Hannah Montana music, and sing along to it.

42. Ditto with reruns.

43. Ask him why he killed off all the dragons in the first place.

44. Walk up to him and kick him in the shins.

45. When he asks what he did, glare at him and say, "You know what you did.

46. Tell him that you know about him and Shruikan.

47. Tell him that you read his diary.

48. When he says that he doesn't have a diary, pull out a pink, fluff covered diary and say, "Then what is this?"

49. If he tries to kill you, just point over his shoulder and scream, "Oh my gosh! Is that Saphira?!"

50. Run.

**AN: I hope you liked it! This one was a lot harder to write than Murtagh, but I managed to come up with some (hopefully) funny ones. Up next is Eragon!!!**

**Please review!**


	3. 50 Ways to Annoy Eragon

**AN: Here it is! 50 ways to annoy Eragon! Enjoy!**

**50 Ways to Annoy Eragon**

1. Tell him that you found a ton of wild dragons, and then release a horde of angry painted cats on him.

2. Whenever he is trying to sleep/meditate scream, "Oh my gosh!!! It's Galbatorix!"

3. Call him Ery.

4. Follow him around. Constantly.

5. Tell him that he isn't hot enough to be Morozan's son.

6. Say that _Brisingr _is a stupid name for a sword.

7. Convince him that in order to get to the Rock of Kuthrian, he has to bang his head into the stone face of a mountain until he gets a concussion.

8. Laugh evilly and video-tape it.

9. Offer him a cookie from a cookie-jar.

10. Make him feel guilty enough that he actually takes one.

11. Start to sing the "cookie jar" song.

12. Over and over and over . . .

13. Tell him that Thorn and Saphira are "special" friends.

14. Hide Saphira and tell him that she is with Thorn.

15. Watch as he freaks out.

16. Follow him around in the shadows while humming the theme from _Mission: Impossible._

17. When him and Arya are having one of their "special" moments, come charging in screaming about ice-cream that is taking over the world.

18. When he is about to fall asleep, whisper in his ear, "The Snuggies are going to get you, Ery."

19. Tie him to a chair and make him watch _Eragon._

20. When he rubs his eyes and asks what he just watched say, "I'm the Rider, and I say we go!"

21. Storm away leaving a very confused Eragon behind.

22. Tell him that the fastest way to Arya's heart is to punch her in the face.

23. See if he actually does it.

24. Make him watch Mommy-and-Baby movies.

25. For days.

26. Say that there are these magical little things called waffles, and if you eat them you become super-powerful.

27. Have him eat waffles and see if he pretends like he is some kind of all-powerful being.

28. Wake him up in the middle of the night screaming about how he stole your gum.

29. Don't let him go back to sleep until he surrenders said gum (that doesn't exist).

30. Pimp Saphira.

31. Steal Brisingr and tell him you put it in the precise center of the Hadarac desert.

32. When he goes to get it, wait until he's on the point of death by dehydration, and then jump in front of him and scream, "You've just been Punked!"

33. Video-tape his reaction.

34. Still don't surrender Brisingr.

35. Spread the rumor that Eragon is a girl in disguise.

36. Watch as the entire Varden bursts into snickers.

37. Ask him in a whisper whether or not he's had _the talk._

38. Watch his face turn red.

39. Tell him that girls love it when you call them "babe."

40. Watch Arya's reaction to this.

41. Sing "Ding, Dong the Witch is Dead" from the Wizard of Oz.

42. Over and over and over again.

43. Have him make a speech.

44. Say that if he hops up and down while patting his head and rubbing his belly, eventually a dragon egg will show up.

45. When he does it, and it doesn't work, tell him that he has to be where a lot of people can see him.

46. When it still doesn't work, tell him that it just takes some time.

47. Video-tape him making a fool of himself. Put it on you-tube.

48. Introduce him to fan-fiction.

49. Make him read all of the "How to Annoy Eragon" lists. See if he cries.

50. If he tries to kill you, just point over his shoulder and scream, "Is that a dragon egg?!"

* * *

**AN: Love it? Hate it? Why not tell me in a review? And next up is Brom!**


	4. 50 Ways to Annoy Brom

**AN: Here it is! 50 ways to annoy everyone's favorite . . . whatever Brom is. I hope you like it!**

1. Just stare at him.

2. Ask him where babies come from.

3. Watch as he gets all red.

4. Lock him in a room and make him watch every episode of Barney.

5. Cover the room in pictures of Barney.

6. Cover the room in Barney paraphernalia.

7. Fill the room with Barney dolls. You get the idea.

8. Tell him that the real reason he moved to Carvahall is because he is a stalker.

9. Stalk him to "show him what it feels like".

10. Tell everyone that he sleeps with a teddy bear.

11. When he denies this, pull out an old, ragged teddy bear and go, "What is this, then?"

12. Say his name like "Broom" instead of "Brom".

13. Ask him very loudly in a very public place whether or not he still wets the bed.

14. Remind him that he has no dragon. Over and over and over and over . . .

15. Have him listen to the same song for months straight.

16. Take his magic away and when he blames you say, "I don't see anything different."

17. Take away his pipe.

18. See if he is addicted to it.

19. Photoshop pictures of his smiling and hugging a teddy bear.

20. Put onions in his bed and when his eyes start to water, come in with a worn blanket and ask him if he wants his "blankie".

21. Turn him into a pyromaniac.

22. Introduce him to modern fire. (Bombs, firecrackers, sparklers, explosives, etc.)

23. Breath down his neck constantly.

24. Stand outside his door at night and scream bloody murder until he cracks and comes out of his room.

25. When he demands to know what you are doing, just keep screaming.

26. Point toward a blank wall.

27. If he covers your mouth to make you shut up, bite his hand.

28. When he's walking, dart around in the shadows after him humming the theme from _Mission Impossible._

29. When he's trying to infiltrate the Empire's base, stand up and scream, "He's a spy trying to break in!"

30. Take pictures of him at random times (i.e. when he's eating, when he's walking, basically anytime.)

31. Use said pictures to make a shrine to Brom . . . and not a very attractive one.

32. Look him up and down and say, "Well, it's a good thing Eragon didn't inherit _your _looks."

33. When he asks what you mean by that, just smirk and say, "Oh, nothing."

34. Act insane.

35. Mutter about how space monkeys stole your tacos.

36. Call him Bromikins.

37. Whenever he doesn't let you go somewhere (i.e. into some random persons house) scream "Well I'm the Rider, and I say we go!"

38. Ask him if his Rider senses are tingling.

39. When he gets excited about something say, "Oh no, did mommy give you sugar this morning?"

40. Try to follow him into the bathroom and see what he says . . . if anything at all.

41. Ask him every stupid question you can think of.

42. Ask him why he's so cranky all the time.

43. Throw a huge stick at him.

44. Don't explain why you did this.

45. Die his hair neon pink.

46. Say it matches his complexion.

47. Sing random songs constantly.

48. When he's trying to concentrate on something important, start humming the theme from _Jeopardy._

49. When he gets mad at you, pat him on the head and say, "Aww, that's so cute."

50. Walk away.

**AN: Please review! Up next is Durza!**


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